then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
