Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
