You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize