i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
