Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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