This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
