what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
