Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
