fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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