Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
