Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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