Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
