You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
