So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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