apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
