my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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