If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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