I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So much Jack, so little girl.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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