after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
