someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
