saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
