I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
