So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
