Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
