She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
