please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
