He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
