The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize