No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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