Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
