i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
