i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
