she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
