I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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