when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
