Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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