i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
