not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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