Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
