I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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