Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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