In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
