was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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