break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found puke in my bra..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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