doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
