im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
