mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
