first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
