he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
