what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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