this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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