i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
its not stalking. its research.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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