I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
