He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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