What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
