how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
