Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
