Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
