She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
