Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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