so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
