So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
