my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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