i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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