hotel room ftw
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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