I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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