dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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