The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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