Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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