we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
