So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
