i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
