Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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